WE MOVED

THE BLOG IS NOW HOSTED OVER HERE:

lookingatathing.wordpress.com

lookingatathing.wordpress.com

Looking at: Denny's Blog

Caught in the Interweb

Occasionally I take a break from doing game reviews to discuss other things, be it an ill fated election campaign, terrible, horrible ideas, expensive lies, or just weird magazine covers. I do have a review of the recently 1.0'd Prison Architect that I'll be posting real soon, but in the mean time I received a message on Facebook that sent me down a weird, weird path:

When I get a message like this I need to investigate. Aside from playing/reviewing games, my greatest joy in life is uncovering the worst things mankind hase ever created, be it bad movies, books, or yes, even games. Bad things make me happier because:

1) I believe we can learn more from the bad things then the good; and

2) my life sucks, so seeing shittier things then my life makes me feel good, even for a moment

With that in mind, I clicked the link, wondering to myself "Why would Denny's, home of the Grand Slam and overall mediocre breakfast food need a blog?". That question was soon replaced with so, so many more. 

The Madness begins

the very first thing you see. It goes only downhill from here.

The first thing you see when you load up Denny's blog is a wall of incomprehensible madness. Denny's has opted to use Tumblr to host their blog. There's only two things I know about Tumblr, first is that it's fucking full of moronic feminists and Social Justice Warriors that hate white, straight men. The second thing I know about Tumblr is that it's layout is a fucking affront to the eyes and completely non-sensical. There's no rhyme or reason to it, it's just a random mash of images puked out in a vague grid.

average 

Not that the content on offer does anything to help. Denny's blog seems to be a mishmash of vague and confusing memes, nonsensical images, and bizarre references Denny's menu items, mostly french fries for some reason.

Fucking explain any of this, I dare you

Give in to the darkness

I stared for 20 minutes, and I still don't get it.

I'm using screenshots here in the hope that one day someone at Denny's realizes what a fuck-awful idea this blog was and deletes it. The downside to using screenshots is that it doesn't convey the absolute fucking madness of all the .gifs on offer. Milkshakes sliding down throats, women applying make-up with french fries, Let's check in with my friend that initially reported the site to me:

Looking good!

Some of the images on offer were oddly sexual. I've had Denny's before, there's nothing sexy about their food. The most emotion I've ever gleamed from a meal was bursting into tears eating authentic Amish steak on my father's birthday, nothing near orgasm from sub-par breakfast sausages and syrup-soaked flapjacks.

Some of the images reached Tim and Eric levels of confusing, but where Tim and Eric have mastered surreal humour and made it an art form, Denny's seems to just be throwing shit, or rather spaghetti, at the wall and hoping it sticks. I honestly can't tell what was an actual attempt at humour, and what was just nonsensical shitposting.

The memes become to dank, my will to live stripped away

A recent trend in marketing and PR is attempting to subvert youth culture on the internet and use it to sell a product. There are a few issues with this tactic, listed below:

1) It never fucking works, not once.
2) Your company becomes a laughing stock, since most of the internet doesn't take itself that seriously
3) The people running these campaigns are so completely out of touch, and internet culture moves at a million miles a minute that any campaign is out-of-date the second it begins anyway.

Ignoring all these facts. Denny's went ahead with their dankest home cooked memes, trying so hard to become relevant.

This image might be their worst idea. The Pepe frog meme has exploded in pop-culture lately, really for no reason other then it's simple and mailable to fit your needs. Pepe the frog is the bastardization of a comic book character and the unofficial mascot of 4Chan's Robot 9000 board, an autism awareness board (?). Considering that R9K and Pepe have both been connected to a recent string of school shootings as part of a perceived "beta uprising", the use of the Pepe imagery comes off as somewhat insensitive. 

God I hope that's the weirdest paragraph I ever write. 

Denny's use of word play is approximately on par with my five year old niece. They take a word, make minor changes to it, then say it's a joke. The difference is my niece is a five year old, and Denny's is a multi-billion(?) dollar company that, presumably, has an entire PR department making these jokes. The picture above isn't even wordplay, it's Senpai, the Japanese word for someone you look up to, but they spelled it like pie the food. You know what? fuck you, because the fucking caption explains that, meaning that they killed their own joke. 

Fuck. 

When not misusing wordplay, there's stupid jokes about things the internet loves, such as skeletons and, while not pictured, you better believe bacon. This is the saddest attempt at PR I've ever seen, the only thing that could be worse is Denny's asking people to send in funny pictures of themselves at Denny's

FUCK.

As I give in, I begin to embrace eternity beyond

Fry shadow. Gross.

Denny's unfortunately isn't the first company to attempt this type of viral marketing, and they won't be the last. I've only seen this shit work once, and even then it's arguable, but the strange case of the official Sonic the Hedgehog Twitter PR account seems to fly in the face of all logic, but let's face it, Sonic's PR couldn't get any worse then it already was. 

I guess, to their credit, Denny's attempt at marketing sort of worked, insofar as it got me to look at their content, and I hate them for it. It probably won't go very far, in fact if I hadn't been told about it, the whole thing would've flown under my radar. But it's there, and it's real, and it's awful.

Looking at: Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker

Hot Cold War

Ashley Wood;s artwork looks amazing, even in motion.

Ok, full disclosure here: I haven't beaten PW at the time of this writing. The reason I'm jumping ahead is twofold:
1) Peace Walker is an insane god-beast of a game that never ends, and I just found out I need to do like four hours of grinding to beat the second last boss, never mind proceeding to the final boss; and
2) MGS5 was on sale for 33% and is currently sitting in my Steam library.

I do plan on finishing PW, likely on my Vita so I can take more time and enjoy the side missions, but the fact is I'm tired of playing it in straight sittings, and thanks to MGS5 and Ground Zeros I sort of know how it all ends anyway. Regardless, here's my review based on the twenty or so hours I did put into the game.

Small Scale Conflict

Despite the PSP's limitations, detail has been pumped into every facet of the game.

The story of PW returns once again to the cold-war setting that MGS3 had, albeit ten years later in 1974. Naked Snake, now called Big Boss, has formed his own pseudo-nation of mercenaries called the Militaire Sans Frontieres (Soldiers without Borders) and makes a living solving problems for people in need. One such person is a professor of peace from Nicaragua and his student Paz. Paz and the professor implore Snake and his men to save their country from a rouge CIA unit that seeks to destabilize the entirety of Central America, believing that Central America is the key to winning the cold war. Snake agrees, mostly because there are echoes that his former mentor The Boss may be involved.

What follows is one of Metal Gear Solid's more normal plots, a breath of fresh air after the downright insanity of MGS4, and a return to the simpler form of MGS3. There's no big ideas at play here, no pan-global conspiracies with different parties, just the good guys, the bad guys, and a nuclear missile.

In a lot of ways, like MGS3, it plays like a misinterpretation of a James Bond film, with infiltrations, damsels in distress, and the occasional full on fire-fight. But it all remains relatively grounded in reality, as long as you can believe that a team of super-scientists could create fully functioning AI weapons in 1974. If you've played the rest of the series like I have, that won't even phase you.

There are some concessions to be made in PW's story telling, however. The PSP wasn't capable of the grand, expansive cut-scenes of actual consoles, so instead the story is told through somewhat interactive comic-style movies. The art in these scenes is amazing, thanks to Australian artist Ashley Wood and series artist Yoji Shinkawa's work. I've always admired the use of art in the MGS series, and here it's presented front and center like an underground comic from the 80's. There were times that these scenes got annoying, especially any of the QTE's presented, and two later in the game that damn near broke my poor gamepad's triangle button, but for the most part they're great to look at and do a perfect job of telling the story.

Portable Operation

Aiming, like MGS4, is more natural and closer to a traditional third person shooter.

There's no way I can discuss the gameplay, or graphics, of PW without making one thing abundantly clear: this was not a game meant for it's original system. The fact is the PSP just wasn't that great of a console, and in terms of both gameplay and graphics PW is pushing it well beyond it's limitations. It's worth noting that I played PW on both the PSP Vita and PS3, the latter of the two being an "HD" version.

On the Vita, at least, the controls were... strange. the original PSP only had one joystick, so the face buttons are used to control the camera. It's as awkward as you'd expect, even worse then MGS3's camera. Lining up precision shots became a chore, and it's only slightly remedied in the PS3 version, which makes use of both joysticks. Other than that controls are kept to a minimum, mirroring MGS1 in many ways. There's aim, shoot, and interact, and that's about it. You can't crawl this time, but crouch-walking is available for extra sneakiness.

The actual gameplay is serviceable, making subtle improvements over MGS3 and learning from MGS4. There's a camouflage system again, which I promptly ignored since enemy line of sight is hilariously small, once again thanks to the PSP. Sneaking is reasonably easy and I found it no challenge to remain stealthy through most of the missions, removing threats as needed either with a well placed shot or through the easy to use CQC close quarters combat system.

The big change is that this time around there's a tangible benefit to remaining silent and, more importantly, utilizing a non-lethal weapon. You're scored after each mission, with higher ranks granting rewards, but that's not the best part. There's now a base building meta-game around maintaining Snake's private army. Incapacitated enemies and captured prisoners can be removed from the fight using a Fulton recovery system, where they're extracted to your base and put to work, developing new weapons, researching enemy forces, or even fighting battles for cash and weapons. It enhances the game without being too distracting, and it's all very simple to command through a series of easy to use menus.

Compounding this is a massive laundry list of side objectives, playable either as Snake or or one of your soldiers. There are dozens upon dozens of missions to partake in, miniature bit-size offerings to test your skills and give you cash to upgrade weapons and items back at base. None of them are particularly special, except maybe going on one of video-gaming's worst dates of all times. These are best enjoyed in short bursts, and reinforce the idea that PW is, all told, a mobile game, meant to be played on a bus trip, or in the back seat of a car.

Graphically PW is... well it's a PSP game. On the Vita it looks like a PSP game, and on PS3 it looks like a PSP game that someone tried to fix in MSpaint. For the PSP, it's a great looking game, filled with detail everywhere. But the fact is, it only barely looks better then the original PS1 game, and nowhere near as good as either PS2 game. It's blocky, awkward, and levels are absolutely tiny. It's a game straining against it's own confines, and very easily could have been an absolutely amazing console game.

Last Walk

The Fulton Recovery System, or "attach a balloon to fucking everything"

Peace Walker is a game that, in many ways, shouldn't have existed. The PSP wasn't capable of handling it, and some would say didn't even deserve it. It's some of Kojima's best writing, crammed into some of his most awkward gameplay.

Despite all of this, Peace Walker does exist, and in it's moments that work it feels like a perfectly fine entry into the series. Moreover it does a great job of carrying on Big Boss' story arc, creating a memorable character and a sympathetic villain for the later games. It's a great game to play, best enjoyed in short bursts and over a long, long stretch of time.

It's worth noting here, I just found out there's a MGS game I missed, called Portable Ops for the PSP, preceding PW both in terms of plot and release. I'll probably play Portable Ops at some point, but the entire plot was outlined in MGS4, so it won't be part of my series reviews.

Next up: the latest and greatest game in the series, and one of the greatest games of all time? (I haven't played it yet, I really don't know)

images sourced from:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAi7xd4YPuY