Looking at: The Equalizer

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Denzel Washington is: Your Dad.

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Most fathers don't pack a sub-machine gun.

Well, no, not exactly. But he might as well be, since that's clearly the aim of The Equalizer. It's best described as a Dad movie, insofar as it's a movie that your dad will like, and a movie that your dad will understand best. But is it a movie worth watching?

The Equalizer sees Denzel as Robert McCall, the manager of a "not-Home Depot" big box hardware store. He's well liked by his coworkers, and even goes out of his way to help them when they need it. He spends his lonely nights reading in a small diner while reading a book. Oh, and he's also an OCD riddled killing machine with a knack for homemade weapons.

It's always the Russians.

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Chloe Grace Moretz is an incredibly important character, that promptly fucks off for 80% of the film.

Of course, nothing stays the same forever. After befriending a prostitute (Chloe Grace Moretz) that frequents his favorite diner, he learns that she's in some deep shit with the Russian mob. That deep shit lands her in the hospital and sends him out for revenge against those who wronged her. He unknowingly takes down the central head of mob operations in Boston, catching the attention of the head of the mob, who sends his chief enforcer Teddy, played by Marton Csokas who's previous appearances include Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, and Amazing Spider-Man 2.

That's pretty much it for the plot. It's just a never ending cat and mouse game between Robert and Teddy as they each try to out-do each other as the most autism powered killing machine. There's no twists, no big reveals, it's the kind of movie you play on a lazy sunday afternoon, fall asleep, and wake up knowing exactly what's still happening. And you likely will fall asleep.

Quentin Tarantino's movies are often marked by their long periods of witty dialogue, broken up by sudden short, incredibly violent bursts of action. This is not a Tarantino movie, but it sort of wants to be, since this is the formula it sticks to. There's a lot of setup, and a LOT of, really nothing happening. When stuff does happen though, it's quick and brutal, almost flashing in and out of existence before you can register it. It's tiring, especially given the over two hour run time. I honestly thought this movie was longer then that, and not in the good "it's so well paced and packed with content" sort of way, but in the "my god, it's still going on isn't it" way.

Shadow Operation

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Marton Csokas's Teddy is truly terrifying, and one of the better parts of the film.  

What's worse is how problematic a lot of the movie is. Let's start with the lighting. It's horrible. It's rare that you notice something like lighting, since, like sound design, it's supposed to be completely invisible. Think about it, when was the last time you watched a movie and actively commented on the lighting. For me, it was this movie, since I was annoyed that I could't see anything happening. I think the movie was going for a motif, since the scenes where Robert is just being a normal guy are well lit, but his bursts of violence are always in the dark. The problem is they went way to dark, and a lot of the best scenes are hard to make out. There's one fight near the end that I literally didn't know was over until the action stopped and I could make out who was still alive. It's unfortunate, because some of the fight scenes are interesting, given how creative some of the weapons Robert cooks up are.

Speaking of issues with the fight scenes, Equalizer commits the same sin a lot of modern action films post-Bourne do, in that they cover inadequate fights with quick editing. The camera is blessedly stable throughout, but the edits are so quick that it's hard to discern whats happening. This, compounded with the bad lighting, really makes this movie a chore to watch. I watched it in my living room, with my normal TV and some lights on, I can't imagine trying to watch this in a theater.

The sound design also has some issues. Much of the dialogue is difficult to hear, especially given that a lot of people are speaking with accents. The plot isn't difficult to follow, so this isn't a huge issues, but a lot of times it was really hard to make out what people were saying. I found it difficult to pay attention to the movie because of this.

Get Equalized.

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There is one explosion. It's hilarious.

The Equalizer isn't necessarily a bad movie. There are certainly elements to it that work, and when everything lines up correctly it's a really fun movie to watch. It's Taken, skewed older given all the swearing and the outright brutal executions that Denzel deals out. But the idea is still there, it's a power fantasy movie for middle aged men, way over the hump. Denzel Washington is pushing 60, and he looks and acts like my father, never mind the fact they share a first name.

Beyond that, it's just built around this idea of this is your dad. A large portion of the movie takes place inside a hardware store, filled with things that dad's like. Robert helps a young man achieve his goal, just like a father would. When I was a kid I used to think my dad was a secret agent, and I feel like this movie is essentially the big screen version of that.

The Equalizer is a problematic movie, with glaring pacing, and technical issues. The script is terrible and the characters bland archetypes. It's mostly stuff we've seen before, and in some cases, done better. But if you're looking for a good "coming out of retirement for one last job" type movie that doesn't star Nic Cage, then you could do much worse then The Equalizer.